Divorce, remarriage and aging families. 

Divorce, this attractive phenomenon very widespread today, means separation, but, when the word is used specifically for a heterosexual couple, emotionally and physically united, I personally want to call divorce as a " tear ”very painful and with many consequences, for the following reasons:

 

1) When two people, male and female, unite emotionally and physically, they are no longer two bodies, but one flesh. Therefore, even though this couple has had a casual, instantaneous and unfaithful relationship, divorce, quick separation, It still has consequences, because each of the partners has given and received from the other according to his measure and, he who has given more, feels more insulted and betrayed. But, above all, both have received the grief of the sin of fornication with consequences in their own body, as it is said: "For every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own flesh" () 1 Cor. 7:18). 

 

2) When the union of two persons, man, and woman, takes place on some higher principles, beyond the sexual instinct, with the human intention of creating a family - the cell of human society - and when this union is legalized by God and the state, together with the couple's relatives and with the society that, as a body, accepts this newly created cell with the joy of renewal and perpetuation of humanity, the couple's responsibilities are much greater and the consequences of divorce are no longer only on the personal the plane, but they also affect many other factors, as mentioned above, creating fractures between them, which already poses a social problem for society. 

3) When natural results come from the couple's marriage, the children, the divorce of the husband and wife, who are already father and mother is no longer just a personal, family or social problem, but turns into a tragedy with a lot of pain and worries, the greatest burden of which is borne and borne by those who are most innocent in this situation, the children. None of the divorced parents, no matter how guilty or not, can understand and weigh the grief of the child's soul, the psychological burden it faces, and the consequences it will suffer for life. When he sees that the two people most dear to him, who constituted a unit and whom he called loving parents, suddenly separate and leave in extreme coldness and hatred, as innocent in this the situation, he is shocked and feels inward as I have torn in half, drawn more and more from one end to the other, where divorce tore off his parents, for the couple will no longer be husband and wife after divorce, but, for the child, they will be to the end father and mother his. 

 

There are many psychological problems that children suffer. Let us mention a few:

1- Divorce affects the normal formation of the child, because the child needs two models, the father and the mother, the authority of the father and the compassion of the mother. A child with divorced parents, boy or girl will have confusion in the formation of his personality, because, as we said, there is no model of parent that he should imitate.

2- Children are constantly stressed in search of the reason why their parents separated. The child, being unable to judge the behaviors of adults, can create a wrong judgment of the parents, up to hatred. Or, the child feels guilty and the cause of this divorce and unable to reunite the parents and this torments his heart every day.

3- Children with divorced parents feel different from other children with regular families. This creates stress for them, closes them in on themselves, makes them not be open in expression, which creates psychological disorder and incorrect relationships with others.

4- Divorce creates economic problems and children with divorced parents are forced to grow up in difficult conditions, not with proper education, or are forced to work from a young age to make up for the economic shortcomings that come due to parental divorce.

5- Children grow up without the natural love of both parents together and this will affect their private life, especially when they will start their own family, risking doing the same in life as their parents. Thus, the bad example of divorce risks being repeated and spread from generation to generation.

 

It always gets worse before it can get better. But it will get better. Like everything else, and like our past struggles, at some point, we win, but before that win, there’s always that loss that spurs us on.”

Parenting.

Every relationship within the family, mainly the parent-child relationship is built on the exclusive, intimate, and unique relationship, with full dependence on those social, cultural, economic structures that surround the family.
  

The Parent-Child relationship has been mainly studied in Western cultures and by researchers who have had connections or lived in these cultures. Consequently, their perspective of understanding the parent-child relationship is built based on Western conception. If we take a look at the basic social science textbooks that are being studied by our students, they address the classical theory of development. Moreover, many of these researchers have focused on the role of independent and collectivist societies which preach factors related to independence that influence dependence on several different phenomena, especially that of family relationships. The concept that the child is initially socialized in the family is of course a global phenomenon. Parents in different cultures and in different family contexts encounter the same procedures when a child comes to life as a vulnerable being food, first stuttering, clothing, emotional care, first cries and laughter, and so on. However, in the position of cultural development psychologist, my focus is on the cultural factor, which means that development, learning, and parenting styles depend on the socio-cultural context. In other words, neglecting the idea that the development of the parent-child relationship takes different forms depending on these contexts would be a problem in the globalized world
 

Personally, I am of the opinion that there is no universal structure of a family. As a result, I believe that any relationship within the family, mainly the parent-child relationship, is built on the exclusive, intimate, and unique relationship, with full dependence on those social, cultural, economic structures that surround the family. There is a general assumption that families in different cultures convey different values ​​to their children. For example, African-American families are mostly extended families, and extended families have a significant influence on parenting styles. The most significant values ​​that parents pass on to their children are respect for adults, the elderly, and so on. The emphasis is on children's obedience to parental authority, and parent-child conflict is seen as disrespect by children. Second, in families of Latin origin, parents encourage a sense of dependence within the family, but also on cousins, etc. The social support network from family members is at the center of the interests of these families. The values ​​taught by parents are conveyed in relation to religious beliefs. Children are expected to be good listeners and obedient to their parents, to follow the rules of the family, the one who turns the word is valued as unworthy behavior. And in these families, respect for parents is one of the values ​​passed down from parents. Third, American or Western European families are run by parents with an individualistic orientation. Children grow up with the intention of being expressive and independent. The conflict in this culture is seen differently from that of Latin or African families. Parental monitoring is not always emphasized, and parent-child communication is not warm, as is the case in collectivist societies, where families are more socio-centric and interdependent. 

 

Furthermore, children are expected to make decisions, and parents are expected to respect their decisions. While in collectivist countries children are often perceived as material supporters in the distant future, children in individualistic countries are seen as psychologically priceless. Of course, it is important to note that as European citizens, we should by no means think that all nations can bear one of these names - either individualistic or collectivist. What is troubling with the dichotomy of collectivism-individualism is precise that these separate concepts that are inherited for generations can deepen the prejudices and stereotypes that would accompany the individual in every aspect of his life in relation to individuals of different cultures. Second, if we were simply to observe the disintegration of nuclear families today, we would notice that they consist of individuals intertwining collectivist and individualistic values, that is, that these two characteristics at the individual and social level can coexist very well. Aren't cultures made up of societies? Starting from these differentiations, regarding the conception of families in different cultural contexts, there is another side of the coin. Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them

 

Fathers and Finances

The heart of a father is a masterpiece of nature. Today I would love to speak more about fathers, the role that they play in our home, and as well for the love and support that they can provide for their family. Good fathers do three things, they provide, they nurture and they guide.

 

During my life, I have been blessed with a goodly parents, especially my father who taught me many things in my life. The relationship that was created between me and dad, had been always strong, based on trust and improvement. Since I was a little girl, I found it really easy to talk to my father for different things and this helped both of us to become really strong open and learning experiences. My father had been working in the navy “Albanian Army” for more than 40 years. Many people when sees my father for the first time are impressed with the generosity that he had and it is really funny and easy to get along. Mostly, people think that he will be really strict and stubborn and are impressed when they see the relationship that is created between us. 

 

 

I remember when I was still in primary, secondary and high school, my father always came to the meetings that we have with teachers and was really good in asking questions about my social life, how I was doing with school, and if I was struggling with something in my life. One of my favorite experiences that I would like to share that strengthen even more my relationship with him was after my mission. I did serve a full-time mission in England Leeds Mission for 18 months (1 year and a half) and for many people that do not know what is a mission, you basically serve in the community and especially share the gospel with everyone who might be interesting. Coming home after that time was really hard for me to adjust with normal life, different taste, and making decisions for myself. I was not sure what I really wanted and I failed in my exam that I needed to take to come here in BYU-Idaho. Satan was playing hard suffering in my mind and guilt was always part of my day, by making me lose hope in everything. I do remember one day I was staying in my room, and my dad came and knocked on my door. He invited me to go out together and we could have cycling by the sea. During that time I was so quiet and was the first time that I went out after 7 days. When we finish, he asked me how I was feeling and he said that he loves me and even I failed in my exam or I was struggling with many things. This love melted my heart and I was crying for hours by opening my heart with him. This moment was really special for me, and I will always be grateful for the love that he showed to me in my hardest moment. 

   

Fathers play a big step in providing for our family, financially, and nurturing us. Mothers are really good at making food and creating everything organized for children, however, fathers are columns in building a good environment for their children. Children need to be learned from an early age the basics of finances and encourage them to save money by planing things that will change their perspective. During family home evenings or family discussions, we should prioritize our children in doing different chores. Therefore, this will help them become more mature, helpful people, humble, and receiving many experiences. Providing for your child always will never help them to achieve realistic goals. Teaching them how to fish is better than providing always a fish in their plates without knowing where this thing came from. I am grateful for the love and support that I always had, especially for the teaching and experiences that I was able to enjoy during my teens and childhood for my Goodly parents.

Communication & Mutual Problem Solving.

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. We are surrounded by different types of communications, such as verb and nonverbal communications, and each of those types plays a big role in our daily activities. Mostly, people find a really easy way to communicate nonverbally and as well through virtuality. Teenagers especially, find it really interesting to express their feelings when they send a text message, take pictures, etc. This new method has the benefits of itself and as well the opposite of that. Technology had come in many ways, which can make the lives of people really convenient and easy to communicate. One of the biggest investments that had come to those last couple of decades, is the internet and social media. Internet is well used for education, communication, receiving notifications from the apps, navigating in different websites, etc. A long time ago, when it was needed to send a message between two countries, most likely it took more that one month or depending on which country was the conversation to be held. Nowadays we are grateful that technology had come with many resources for us by making everything faster and easier. On the other hand, we can learn and develop even more our pieces of information by using the Internet, Wikipedia, Google, etc. However, we can find some negative ways of using this kind of communication.
 

First of all, we do not find a direct connection between the person that we are talking and this can not express all the feelings that we are feeling. Social media plays a big impact on this field. Scrolling on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, etc, we see that the idea of the personality should be the same or the style and the language that we use. Mostly, those people are not real with their own situations but they try to hide or fake till they become “queens” of social media.


Prioritizing this way of communication is not the best way that we should use in our family and especially in marriage. Communication work for those who work at it. Key to a goal relationship-to accept each others’ faults, to discuss, and not argue and always do your best to control your feelings when you are upset. Couples are a good example that we can see the way that manege situations when conflict comes in their marriage. In my own experience is a compelling example of this. My parents had been married for more than 27 years old. Looking at them as an example of love and cooperation, made me ask them for some good advice that I should practice in my future marriage and why not with my friends and roommates.

 

I would like to share some of that advice with you today.

• Listen more than you speak.
• Understand the other person first. 
• Understand the needs, wishes, and values. 
• Begin with empathy. 
• Take responsibility for your feelings. 
• Make requests that are practical, specific, and positive. 
• Use accurate, neutral descriptions.

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand but we listen to reply. Most of the time, young missionaries when they go for the first time they were introduced in one famous phrase “forget yourself and go to work”. This is from one of the leaders of my church “Gordon. B. Hinckley. Forgetting your self is relating to the conversation that we make with other people by leaving behind many negative feelings and selfishness. Prioritizing the other person and being able to talk clearly can help and as well result in many problems.
 

Like my parents and other couples, they do learn from experiences and each has the struggles in marriage or family. However, it is our responsibility to be open with one another in the way we talk, speak, and express our feeling. The art of communication is the language of leadership.-James Humes-

The family under stress.

• What is family stress? How does stress try in the family?

Family stress can make many faces and appear in different forms and behaviors. Especially, family, and social burdens on pandemic data, more complicated than the usual ones. The mental syndrome can affect the whole person or also many members, but it is not uncommon for the entire "family system" to suffer from social and economic stress and social. For example, stress can manifest itself in conflicts or family problems that cannot be sought. Young children in many cases disagree with parents to make tasks that are required for them to do. This is one of the main issues that mothers find hard to deal with their teenagers’. On the other hand, it can be hard for the relationship between them and their husbands. The lacing of communications can bring a lot of stress. 

 

Family stress is indicated by the fact that communication deteriorates. Family members do not talk about various topics such as worries, appointments, lessons, work, all that belong to the family and problems. This lack of communication between us only makes things worse. Isolation of individual family members can also be a consequence if there are old conflicts. Children, in particular, fall into the line of fire when their parents have conflicts between themselves and they do not know how to process these experiences. Therefore, they often retreat to their rooms and are silent and cannot or do not dare to talk to anyone in the family. 

 

The situation in the family is now being aggravated by the telephone, which is possessed by almost every person, even those of minor ages. By dealing mainly with the telephone (Internet, text, posts, messages, etc.), family members are isolated and lose contact with each other. This also causes not to communicate or discuss many family obligations.

 

• What are the consequences of stress in the family?

Family stress can lead to mental and pathological illnesses, such as cardiovascular disease, burn-out, or depression. These health problems can also be caused by family overload. These people suffer from stress, are unable to sleep properly, meditate a lot, and suffer psychosomatic complaints such as abdominal pain, nausea or headache, lack of appetite, frequent urination. Conflicts between partners (spouses) can lead to the breakdown of families due to divorce or separation, whose children then often suffer more and in turn present new and subsequent problems. In some cases, this can even cause trauma to the child, which can damage the child's soul and even ruin their future.

• What are the causes of family stress?

There are many causes of stress in the family. They can be internal as well as external factors that stem from external influences. Internal factors include, for example, self-doubt, self-doubt and self-esteem, high demands on oneself and others, lack of arrogance about one's personal needs, insufficient ability to deal with conflicts, and fear of separation. or loneliness. The ability to not be able to say no. Many people are also stressed by burdening themselves with many tasks that they cannot perform.
External influences can include double the burden of work and family, an insufficient division of labor, conflicts within the family, lack of attention, concerns in communication (couple), and the care of old or sick family members. The loss of family members can also cause a deep crisis. In addition, stress can arise if someone in the family suffers from a mental illness. Financial, economic, social, and stress at work can also affect family life and create stress.
 

• Improving communication:

Conflicts arise when communication fails. They are often irritated by people who do not talk about their worries, fears, and problems. It is therefore important to improve communication and thus automatically improve the family situation and cooperation with family members and colleagues. Family therapy can be very helpful, for example.

 

• Seek outside support:

If caring for elderly or sick family members requires time and effort, professional help can have a supportive effect.

• Home maintenance can also provide relief.

Family help is also a good contact for problems. If you have problems with children and adolescents, you can contact a child and adolescent psychiatrist, seek contact with family members, do not use the phone too much.
 

• Put the order in daily life:

Tasks should be distributed correctly so that everyone contributes and not a family member is burdened more. Children, for example, can clean the washing machine, or go for a walk, play in the garden, take care of the flowers. A written list (To-do list) to plan work, the order of tasks can also help for a better organization.

 

• Practice skill and take time for yourself:

Arrogance about your needs can counteract the overload, so show simplicity and practicality. Family life is important, but you should not give up and neglect your needs. That’s why it’s important to rest, plan time for rest, and deal with things that are good for you. It's okay that sometimes you can't take care of children, housework, or other voluntary activities 24/7.

• Creating shared experiences:

In order for the family to come to life and experience happiness again after a phase of acute stress or conflict and to strengthen the ritual system, it is very important a monthly excursion or a dinner together that can bring a new dynamic to outdated structures and pathological family. Games together, discussions together can improve relationships and peace of mind.

• Maintaining social contacts:

To get out of your family environment and change your mind, meeting friends can be very helpful. Following the old hobby helps body activity. An evening of girls or boys for any celebration is helpful, so you will not have to stay in the same environment all the time. Here you can also talk to friends about your concerns and get advice or another opinion.

"Perfect family” can be when we try to help each other overcome their challenges and be there for one another.

  

Sexual intimacy and family life.

“Without knowledge, actions are useless, and knowledge without action is futile”-Abu Bakr-

Couples in our days most of the time prefer to have the perfect marriage which includes everything that is for the outside face such as a house, cars, the perfect vacations, etc. On the other hand, they do not have the right information for the privacy or things that they want to share with each other, which leads to miscommunications, selfishness, and confusion. Learning about intimacy and creating family life, will be more beneficial then prioritizing which car or jewelry would we buy for our spouse. 

Our environment today provides us many resources that can give us information about intimacy and how to make our family life easier. First of all, we should find the right equipment, resources and people to ask. The good and the bad of this information is that we should have at the right time and in the right way. As all we know, females and males are different not only from their physical appearance and the attributes that we do have but we like and express different desires. This can be related to couples when it is going in having an intimacy time between them or going in the other step in having sexual relationships and creating a family. According to the family and marriage therapist, females had the idea that good relationship stars by creating trust and as well as closeness between each other. On the other hand, males are more like to have more physical toughness between their partners. However, learn things that like and what they do not like, helps more that the couples can enjoy more marriage life and intimacy.


  

Sexual intimacy is a gift from God. It is sacred and it is no secret. The reason why we think that is sacred because it needs to be between a husband and a wife and not between other people. Most of the time teenagers find interesting learning about this topic by navigating on the internet in bad resources such as pornography, nudes, or dirty stuff. Those are inappropriate and can lead to misunderstanding the concept of intimacy. When a couple decides to get married they should talk and stay close together in the ideas that they have and what they want from each other.

Most of the time couples find themselves in the ESP Myth “ If my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy”



 

When we do not talk about the things that we like and dislike especially in the intimacy part we find ourselves not enjoying what we are doing and not find connections any more. Nowadays, the number of divorces is increased a lot only because couples find themself not closed as they were in the beginning. Intimacy is really important between man and the woman to be special and loving. One experience that I would like to share is a compelling example of this. When my cousin got married she was only 18 years old and she did not know everything about intimacy and how she can talk to her husband about those things. Most of the time we see as a tabu this topic and especially from the family where I was raised. Her husband was older than her. He was in that time 28 years old which made him have more experience than her. After a while, she was not feeling the same as happy as she was and they had miscommunications. Some of their good friends suggested them go and had some counseling in a marriage and council therapist which could help them with many things that they need to improve. Because of that, my cousin now is much happier and they have a child now which was a blessing for them to stat to create their own family.




Let’s be open and cheerful in our family life and have a healthy conversation for our intimacy which can help us in many different concepts of our family. The body is a blessing of God and we should respect both us and our partner as the gift from Heaven.

Transitions in Marriage.

What simple action could you take today to produce a new momentum toward success in your life and in your marriage? Marriage plays a big role in our society and it is one of the biggest steps towards your progression. We can learn many things when we go to school, work, different courses, etc, but we still grow and learn even more in our marriage. When people decide to get married, many ideas and expectations are in their life at that time. However, not everything can go perfectly in the way that we desire. 

Most of the time, it is required a lot of hard work, patience, and as well as faith. If we compare school time with marriage, or work with marriage the similarity that we can find between them is growth, failure, and success. Nowadays, young couples expect their life can be all sunny with a rainbow and without a stormy day. Disappointment comes in the relationship when the first challenges show up in their life and they are confused about how to overcome them. When we fail the test in school for the first time in one of our subjects, mostly we do not give up and live the school in the middle only for one class. Priority is to finish the major successfully, and we will do everything to pass that class, or to retake over and over again. The same principle we should follow in our marriage life. 

According to the statistics, most of the time people get married when they are young from 25-28 years old. In some other cultures, those statistics change but the average is around 20’-30’. However, we forget that during this time those people had lived only with roommates during the time of college, parents, or alone. When people get married it is a big step for them which will bring many different things in their life. One of the theories that help me to pictured my future marriage is the “Yin and Yang” theory. In Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang is a concept of dualism, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. 

First of all, understanding the capacity of each partner and the differences that characters each of us, can make transitions in marriage much easier. Mostly, the problem in marriage life is not only in the first steps of our relationship. It comes and goes during our time that we stay and live together, bring children in life, make changes for a better life, share bank accounts, etc. Therefore, we should accept those changes and differences that we see and have in our life. One experience of those transitions is the story of Anabel. She is a friend of mine and even she is the same as me, her life is different for my life. We were born in the same city in the same year with three months between each other. Even though, we were best friends since children she changed a lot after she had her first boyfriend, who was her first husband as well. She was so in love and after she turned 18 they got married. In the first couple of months, I could see Anabel really happy and she told me that was planning on having a baby. In the fourth month, she got pregnant and I was so excited for her. Unfortunately, they lost the baby and this tragic moment brought many issues and fights in her marriage. They got divorced after 1 year and a half. When I met my friend and asked her why they could no try to fix the marriage, or could do something to fix this thing that came in their life. Her response was that it was hard for her to work alone and to don’t find support from her husband. Over 6 months my friend got through these situations and she was able to find again hope in her life. Now she had been married again, with another boy, and I can see that things that were not working out in her first marriage now they are working because everything that life is through to them they can respond together and pass that together. 

A perfect marriage is between two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. Like our families, parents, God, and many people that support us never gave up on us in our difficulty time, we should never give up immediately in the person that we decided to get married but work through things that life can bring and help each other with love and compassion.

Preparing for marriage.

Marriage is essential in our lives and in Heavenly Father’s plan. In the religion that I practice (which is Christian LDS) we believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. Our days, marriage had come to be as a contract, and partners see each other as interest, and sometimes when this “deal” will finish they will get divorced and they will separate from each other. Additionally, this is really sad, and cost much damage to our society, family, and as well as individuals. The relationship does not start only for fun or being with one another in fun situations, but we can be for a long time commitment. Therefore, getting to know one person it stars with dating, hanging ou, service, sharing the same interest, thoughts, ideas, dreams, etc. This might take time, but it will be really important for us to be fully committed to the person that we know and that might be the eternal partner for time and eternity. 

I would like to share one of my favorite stories that even I listen many times, this is inspirational for me. The story of love and humbleness of both my sweet and loving parents. As I had a mansion before my parents and the rest of my family are in Albania and where we come from family plays a big role in our society especially marriage. We do put much effort, especially on the wedding day. We di not get married in the church because this is not required but we must get married and have a big celebration. A quick reminder is that my parents and as well me and my sister convert to the church and for us, it is really special getting to experience both lifestyles. However, my parents got married according to the law of the land. They dated for 1 year and were engaged for 1 year and a half and after that was crowed by a beautiful marriage. Even though they got married 28 years ago their relationship is really strong and always cheerful. Many of my friends when they see my parents are curious to know how is it possible after this long time are still in love and still get along. Sometimes for me is sad when you thing “still get along” because you must get along if you decided to do that step which s really important in your life. My parents always reply humbly, “We strength the weakness of each other and we work together through all situations” They are still together and I know that in their life had been many difficulties and situations with a lot of intense but they never put themselves first, but tried to help each other and prioritized the other person. 

Today, young single adults would like to go out with one person and sometimes with many people at the same time. In the end, they will choose which one is the right on and they will continue with that. However, the decision that comes is more prioritize form beauty or self apprentice, money, success, and material thing. Rarely people see in our days as a spiritual commitment. In my opinion is a compelling example of this. One of my closes friends that I was able to serve in the same mission with her, she got married really quickly with one boy that was dating for 2 months and a half. They get to know each other for at least 2 months and during that time got engaged and married. Unfortunately, they stayed only for 9 months married and they are divorced. When I speak to her why she decided to get married to someone for such a short period of time she replied: “because he was cool and I thought will be cool having him as my husband” Marriage is not “Cool” It is a gift a special gift that you share between yourself and another person that you love and present deeply. My idea of preparing for marriage it stars now for those that still singe and for those that are married start every day that they live together by being better. 

I know that as we strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society, we will have a better and healthy coming generation and we can improve all together. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”-Mignon McLaughlin-

Gender and family life.




In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony. “Friedrich Nietzsche”

This quote has a special meaning for me. Home can be where your heart is and family is the strongest treatment for your soul. Each of us cames from different family-style and we are unique for what we represent and how we were raised. Heavenly Father created us to come here and have a life and create that according to our choice, obviously with His might Help, but we should make our choices and change always for good and become better. Most of the people find power when they are closer to their loved ones and especially family. No one is perfect which means our family is not perfect, therefore this can make everything really desirable because if we were the same everything will be really boring. The difference that we see started from an early age to children and especially between boys and girls. According to many studies, they came to the conclusion that girls express more emotions than boys. On the other hand Boys can be tough and really energetic when it comes to games, fights or sports. Even though this can be classified as gender differences we still have one thing in comen that we all are human beings. Chaz Bono, an author said “Gender is between your eyes and not your legs.” I do think that these descriptions even though is really boldly has a special meaning because we judge really quickly the person if it is a boy or a girl. However, everyone can have qualities that can be valuable for both genders and accepted in society for good.

Since the begging girls were not equal enough with boys. Luckily in our days, this issue had been much better. However, we realize that another problem that we do have in our days is between marriage between the same marriage. Recently we have seen that many countries support this and by law, they can be married happily and continue their lives for good.
However we see that it is not that easy because not everyone understands and supports this thing. We should listen with the ears of our hearts and not only with the ears of our human being. I know that sometimes it is really hard to do that because we can judge really quickly the situation of another person but we should put our self in their shoes and change our ways of thinking and perspective.

I know that this needs a lot of changes in our minds and how we start to set our minds and look at those situations. In my own experience is a compelling example of this. Where I come from by-law of the land marriage between the same gender had been approved by the government. However, most of the people do not support that deep inside of themselves, life and society. They do judge those people that get married to the same gender and bullies had been always the main issue. This thing brakes my heart because those people do not find love, support, or even freedom. For some parts in my country, they are really stubborn and I do remember when a gay couple was together holding hands, the reaction of people was really rude and started to behave badly. I know that for most of people this can be really painful and can cost a lot of depression, lack of confidence, and lowliness.


I would like to encourage everyone to spread love unconditionally even though sometimes it can be difficult or sometimes we do not want to do so. We are a all equal and we can accept each other for who we are. People fall in love with the person not a gender. Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of your life, and accept everyone to feel the same love that family can bring.

Social class and cultural diversity.

We may have different religions, different languages, different color skins, but we all belong to one HUMAN RACE. I would like to start my blog today with this quote from Kofi Annan. We live in a world that diversity is really big and we have many people that like to do different things, speak differently, think or create investment in a way that is more convenient for them. I have been blessed to get to know people from many places all over the world and as well I have been blessed traveling a lot for these past 10 years. 

One of the things that changed my perspective in understanding cultural diversity can after I went to England for 18 months and served as a missionary from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was shocking in the beginning for me because was the first time living abroad as well talking to people with different background and stories. Living in the place and learning from books or the internet makes a huge difference. I was able to live and be touched by English culture as well from my companies whom some of them were from South America, South Africa, Australia, America, Balkan New Zeland, etc. Even though the difference was really big in the lifestyle that we were living, I was so impressed with the similarity that we had. I would like to share some of those experiences with you.




English Culture is really lovely and is easy to adjust. British people, love to share jokes with other people, welcome friends or anyone that knock on their door for a cup of tea and some alcohol or for some people that do not drink that (which includes me) some hot chocolate. When you go to someone’s home and you are invited to eat a meal with them, you will notice in the table a fancy decoration, with spoons and forks as well as knives. Where I come from is not really common eating with all equipment but learning this in England made me more grateful and apricated food in my table and having my body straight as I was in a royal meal. 

On the other hand, you will notice that every after a meal you will have a dessert and this was really filling for me. I was able to visit other families that were from different cultures and I notice many special things. For instance, Italian loves to cook and talk with so much passion, and this can be really similar in my culture. They like to dress very well and make themself a priority in the model world. African culture is really fun and colorful. They like to be loud and with music and colors. I know that the food that they provide in their family and for others is way too much and they like to welcome everyone.




Eastern europian countries which include my country as well Albania is really unique and you can notice many different things. One of the most impacted is that we are really good at keeping the house organized and cleaned. We welcome others and it is good to take off our shoes when you come home. We love sharing food with others and being polite in inviting them to our table eating with us. Another characteristic is that we give something with them when they live home as respect that they came.




The beauty of the world lies in the diversity of its people. Combing all together the differences that we are surrounded can make a beautiful tapestry and will create a bigger picture for us. Creating a puzzle is required many waves of peace and the same comparable can rely on our world and community where we live.




We can learn from one another and adjust that teaching in our life as well as making sure that we can keep them as unique and adjusting to our own family culture. If the world would look the same everything will be boring, so enjoy the diversity and be grateful for the things that you have in your life.

Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories

The love in our family flows strong and deep, leaving us memories of the treasure and keep.

When we speak about family the first thing that comes in our mind is parents, siblings, or other people that influence our life for good. Each of us is different, and the roots where we come from makes a huge change. Last time that I posted in my blog, I talked a bit about my conversion story in the faith that I believe and develop today. However many people ask me now that I came in America, what is Albania like, what are some traditional things there, how is your family like and what are some rules that you had during your childhood.

Today I would like to speak about some dynamics and impacts that influenced my life when I was growing up and realizing some of the differences and similarities between my family and other families especially in America where I live now. First of all, My family is not that big and we are altogether four people my parent, me and my oldest sister. Basically, we are really close and we love having fun and entertaining a lot with other members of the family such as my cousins’ grandparents or uncles and aunties. During my childhood, my parents were really good teachers in giving us life long lessons which are valuable today for me even though I do live far from them in college. When I was growing up, I did not like all things that they taught me, however, I was able to stay enough in the path of their teaching and to become a better person every day. If we look and understand the perspective of their teaching with another view, my parents used different theories such as exchange symbols and system theory. I will give some examples form each of them.




One of my favorite theories that I applied mostly is symbol theory. Actions are better than 100 of wards. This was one of the biggest phrases that my parents used all the time to describes something to me and my sister. They are really generous people, loving and caring. When investigators came in my home, or other family members one of the “rules” that we had (and still is) was to invite the person to eat or drink something that we have in our home in the sign of hospitality and welcoming. We were not allowed to go inside of the house with shoes and this was a symbol of respect for the place that we live “Representing as a temple” We should keep slippers and socks.




Some other dynamics that impacted me were exchange theory. Where I lived in Albania, my neighborhood was really small and we were close to our neighbors. My mother always told me that you should give more that you receive. However, this was not my favorite thing when I was young and the feeling that I had was that people were using us. On the other hand, they were giving us back in ways that I did not understand. In my own experience is a compelling example of this. Every time that I went to school and my neighbors had their garbage outside, I should grab and through them away for them. Sometimes I was lazy or late for school and my mother should yell at me that I did not help and show service to them. On the other side, neighbors were giving us back many things such as good friendship, loyalty, food when we needed, etc.




Many rules and traditions we had in my family and because of that, I do still apply those in my college life now. For instance, when my roommates do not clean the dishes I will be the one doing those for them and expressing my example. This is service as well we exchange things to one another and help in the needs of the other person. Even though many people and friends that I get to know from different countries do not have the same traditions and rules as to how they grow up in their family, I still apply my childhood teaching and I try to respect their behaviors. Everyone is different and that what makes us special. Family is like music, some high notes, some low notes, but always a beautiful song.

If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one.

Life is a blessing with many opportunities, changes, and creativity. Nowadays, many people find it really easy to design things that make them happy and provide changes for the best of their life. I would like to write today about how my life changed forever only by doing small and simple things with a big meaning. For many people that don’t know me, I am from Albania a country which is really small but with a big heart. Since the begging that our country was known as an independent country, we were known as the country with generosity and really welcoming. Therefore, the same way that our ancestors had grated their family is the same way that we welcome others today. 

Usually, it is hard to find trust in all people and to make it possible to change the life of others. However, if you forget your self and you want that others can be happy more than you are, everything can be possible. Many people find hope and gain more strength form faith, motivation, goals, etc but for me, the most amazing thing that gives me hope and desire to do good is understanding more principles of faith that I believe and practice. I was born in 1997, 23 years ago(looks really long time ago) in a family where God was known as something that you could swear in His name only that you could be more honest and reliable. However, my family was raised atheist but my mom was a strong believer in a higher power and we respected many religious activities such as Muslims, orthodox, and Catholics. I do remember that during my early age we were going in some (teneqe) place where you can put your name in a circle and someone could pray for you, and it was really scary sometimes, but I was feeling that I should follow my family and do the same thing as they did. As years go by my mother had the opportunity to meet two young boys for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They had a tittle in their name tag which was elder. For us was really weird that both those young men had the same name. They were inviting everyone to joy for free in their English course and my mother was able to invite them to their house so they could teach us English. My aunt was with my mom that day and the first meeting was able to be done at my aunties house. Missionaries (was the calling of the young men) came in my auntie’s house they were teaching elementary English for my mom and my auntie’s family. After they finish the lesson, they invited them to pray and share some spiritual thoughts which were about God and what they believe. For the first time, my mom was able to learn more about the plan of salvation( which is differently called the plan of happiness). Therefore, my mother was so surprised and wanted that missionaries could come and teach my father and both of me and my sister. 

After the first week that missionaries were sharing lessons with my aunt’s family, came in our home, and the first reaction that my sister and I had was that we do not like churchy people. However, my mother had seen something different in them and knew that if we listen and be humble about what they need to share with us, we could be able to understand more and change our thoughts for them. humbly, with so much strain, we decided to stay and listen to their spiritual thoughts. Being honest I did not understand a word that they were saying and I did not like them because missionaries where American and it was hard for them to learn Albania and pronunciation of the world that was supposed to say could not make any sense to me. On the other hand, my mother was so persistent with us to stay concentrated and participate in the lesson. One of the things that missionaries teach us was about the Book of Mormon, and they said that was another testament of Jesus Christ after the Bible. My mind was really confused because I heard about the Quran and no book of Mormon. However, we continue to participate in teaching, and missionaries gave a book of Mormon for children with illustrations, and I was able to understand more. I did enjoy a lot that and after 9 months my mother and I were making one of the biggest decisions of our life which were baptism. Baptism for many people that do not know is remission of your sins through the name of the Savior Jesus Christ. My life was able to change forever from that conversion that I made even though I was still really young, I was blessed with many opportunities that changed my life. 

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one. Many of you may come familiar form this phrase which is really well known from the Albanian missionary “mother Teresa” I had used this phrase in my life and I came to realize that for God is not important to change all the world in one day but make the difference in the world by small and simple things each day. We can not be there for all people at the same time, but we can be a miracle of someone’s life. Even though I had not changed many people or i feed many hangry homeless, I had come to realize that spiritual food is more important than every other thing that we have in our life. Each of us can help many people who struggle in finding support, hope, or confidence by feeding them spiritually and helping them to stay focus on positivity and purpose of life, the same way that first missionaries changed the life of my family and mine forever. You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength