Divorce, remarriage and aging families. 

Divorce, this attractive phenomenon very widespread today, means separation, but, when the word is used specifically for a heterosexual couple, emotionally and physically united, I personally want to call divorce as a " tear ”very painful and with many consequences, for the following reasons:

 

1) When two people, male and female, unite emotionally and physically, they are no longer two bodies, but one flesh. Therefore, even though this couple has had a casual, instantaneous and unfaithful relationship, divorce, quick separation, It still has consequences, because each of the partners has given and received from the other according to his measure and, he who has given more, feels more insulted and betrayed. But, above all, both have received the grief of the sin of fornication with consequences in their own body, as it is said: "For every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own flesh" () 1 Cor. 7:18). 

 

2) When the union of two persons, man, and woman, takes place on some higher principles, beyond the sexual instinct, with the human intention of creating a family - the cell of human society - and when this union is legalized by God and the state, together with the couple's relatives and with the society that, as a body, accepts this newly created cell with the joy of renewal and perpetuation of humanity, the couple's responsibilities are much greater and the consequences of divorce are no longer only on the personal the plane, but they also affect many other factors, as mentioned above, creating fractures between them, which already poses a social problem for society. 

3) When natural results come from the couple's marriage, the children, the divorce of the husband and wife, who are already father and mother is no longer just a personal, family or social problem, but turns into a tragedy with a lot of pain and worries, the greatest burden of which is borne and borne by those who are most innocent in this situation, the children. None of the divorced parents, no matter how guilty or not, can understand and weigh the grief of the child's soul, the psychological burden it faces, and the consequences it will suffer for life. When he sees that the two people most dear to him, who constituted a unit and whom he called loving parents, suddenly separate and leave in extreme coldness and hatred, as innocent in this the situation, he is shocked and feels inward as I have torn in half, drawn more and more from one end to the other, where divorce tore off his parents, for the couple will no longer be husband and wife after divorce, but, for the child, they will be to the end father and mother his. 

 

There are many psychological problems that children suffer. Let us mention a few:

1- Divorce affects the normal formation of the child, because the child needs two models, the father and the mother, the authority of the father and the compassion of the mother. A child with divorced parents, boy or girl will have confusion in the formation of his personality, because, as we said, there is no model of parent that he should imitate.

2- Children are constantly stressed in search of the reason why their parents separated. The child, being unable to judge the behaviors of adults, can create a wrong judgment of the parents, up to hatred. Or, the child feels guilty and the cause of this divorce and unable to reunite the parents and this torments his heart every day.

3- Children with divorced parents feel different from other children with regular families. This creates stress for them, closes them in on themselves, makes them not be open in expression, which creates psychological disorder and incorrect relationships with others.

4- Divorce creates economic problems and children with divorced parents are forced to grow up in difficult conditions, not with proper education, or are forced to work from a young age to make up for the economic shortcomings that come due to parental divorce.

5- Children grow up without the natural love of both parents together and this will affect their private life, especially when they will start their own family, risking doing the same in life as their parents. Thus, the bad example of divorce risks being repeated and spread from generation to generation.

 

It always gets worse before it can get better. But it will get better. Like everything else, and like our past struggles, at some point, we win, but before that win, there’s always that loss that spurs us on.”

Parenting.

Every relationship within the family, mainly the parent-child relationship is built on the exclusive, intimate, and unique relationship, with full dependence on those social, cultural, economic structures that surround the family.
  

The Parent-Child relationship has been mainly studied in Western cultures and by researchers who have had connections or lived in these cultures. Consequently, their perspective of understanding the parent-child relationship is built based on Western conception. If we take a look at the basic social science textbooks that are being studied by our students, they address the classical theory of development. Moreover, many of these researchers have focused on the role of independent and collectivist societies which preach factors related to independence that influence dependence on several different phenomena, especially that of family relationships. The concept that the child is initially socialized in the family is of course a global phenomenon. Parents in different cultures and in different family contexts encounter the same procedures when a child comes to life as a vulnerable being food, first stuttering, clothing, emotional care, first cries and laughter, and so on. However, in the position of cultural development psychologist, my focus is on the cultural factor, which means that development, learning, and parenting styles depend on the socio-cultural context. In other words, neglecting the idea that the development of the parent-child relationship takes different forms depending on these contexts would be a problem in the globalized world
 

Personally, I am of the opinion that there is no universal structure of a family. As a result, I believe that any relationship within the family, mainly the parent-child relationship, is built on the exclusive, intimate, and unique relationship, with full dependence on those social, cultural, economic structures that surround the family. There is a general assumption that families in different cultures convey different values ​​to their children. For example, African-American families are mostly extended families, and extended families have a significant influence on parenting styles. The most significant values ​​that parents pass on to their children are respect for adults, the elderly, and so on. The emphasis is on children's obedience to parental authority, and parent-child conflict is seen as disrespect by children. Second, in families of Latin origin, parents encourage a sense of dependence within the family, but also on cousins, etc. The social support network from family members is at the center of the interests of these families. The values ​​taught by parents are conveyed in relation to religious beliefs. Children are expected to be good listeners and obedient to their parents, to follow the rules of the family, the one who turns the word is valued as unworthy behavior. And in these families, respect for parents is one of the values ​​passed down from parents. Third, American or Western European families are run by parents with an individualistic orientation. Children grow up with the intention of being expressive and independent. The conflict in this culture is seen differently from that of Latin or African families. Parental monitoring is not always emphasized, and parent-child communication is not warm, as is the case in collectivist societies, where families are more socio-centric and interdependent. 

 

Furthermore, children are expected to make decisions, and parents are expected to respect their decisions. While in collectivist countries children are often perceived as material supporters in the distant future, children in individualistic countries are seen as psychologically priceless. Of course, it is important to note that as European citizens, we should by no means think that all nations can bear one of these names - either individualistic or collectivist. What is troubling with the dichotomy of collectivism-individualism is precise that these separate concepts that are inherited for generations can deepen the prejudices and stereotypes that would accompany the individual in every aspect of his life in relation to individuals of different cultures. Second, if we were simply to observe the disintegration of nuclear families today, we would notice that they consist of individuals intertwining collectivist and individualistic values, that is, that these two characteristics at the individual and social level can coexist very well. Aren't cultures made up of societies? Starting from these differentiations, regarding the conception of families in different cultural contexts, there is another side of the coin. Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them

 

Fathers and Finances

The heart of a father is a masterpiece of nature. Today I would love to speak more about fathers, the role that they play in our home, and as well for the love and support that they can provide for their family. Good fathers do three things, they provide, they nurture and they guide.

 

During my life, I have been blessed with a goodly parents, especially my father who taught me many things in my life. The relationship that was created between me and dad, had been always strong, based on trust and improvement. Since I was a little girl, I found it really easy to talk to my father for different things and this helped both of us to become really strong open and learning experiences. My father had been working in the navy “Albanian Army” for more than 40 years. Many people when sees my father for the first time are impressed with the generosity that he had and it is really funny and easy to get along. Mostly, people think that he will be really strict and stubborn and are impressed when they see the relationship that is created between us. 

 

 

I remember when I was still in primary, secondary and high school, my father always came to the meetings that we have with teachers and was really good in asking questions about my social life, how I was doing with school, and if I was struggling with something in my life. One of my favorite experiences that I would like to share that strengthen even more my relationship with him was after my mission. I did serve a full-time mission in England Leeds Mission for 18 months (1 year and a half) and for many people that do not know what is a mission, you basically serve in the community and especially share the gospel with everyone who might be interesting. Coming home after that time was really hard for me to adjust with normal life, different taste, and making decisions for myself. I was not sure what I really wanted and I failed in my exam that I needed to take to come here in BYU-Idaho. Satan was playing hard suffering in my mind and guilt was always part of my day, by making me lose hope in everything. I do remember one day I was staying in my room, and my dad came and knocked on my door. He invited me to go out together and we could have cycling by the sea. During that time I was so quiet and was the first time that I went out after 7 days. When we finish, he asked me how I was feeling and he said that he loves me and even I failed in my exam or I was struggling with many things. This love melted my heart and I was crying for hours by opening my heart with him. This moment was really special for me, and I will always be grateful for the love that he showed to me in my hardest moment. 

   

Fathers play a big step in providing for our family, financially, and nurturing us. Mothers are really good at making food and creating everything organized for children, however, fathers are columns in building a good environment for their children. Children need to be learned from an early age the basics of finances and encourage them to save money by planing things that will change their perspective. During family home evenings or family discussions, we should prioritize our children in doing different chores. Therefore, this will help them become more mature, helpful people, humble, and receiving many experiences. Providing for your child always will never help them to achieve realistic goals. Teaching them how to fish is better than providing always a fish in their plates without knowing where this thing came from. I am grateful for the love and support that I always had, especially for the teaching and experiences that I was able to enjoy during my teens and childhood for my Goodly parents.